If you're just starting to learn meditation, either with a guided meditation group or on your own, you sit for five or ten minutes each session; try to sit daily at the same time, morning or evening, whichever suits you right. You give the daily five to ten minutes to expand to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks pass, but you by no means try and force the pace.

Meditation isn't about gritting the teeth in determination. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and while it needs its own kind of discipline this has nothing to do with stiffness than with soft and letting go.

When the inevitable thoughts or emotions come up, you permit them to pass in and out of attention like clouds reflected in water. You don't attempt to push them off, but leave them to go of their own accord. No matter how 'important' the thoughts seem to be or how compelling or demanding the feelings, you don't hang on to them or enable one thought or emotion to trigger another and another till you are off on a wool-gathering track that takes you further and further from the simple point of the breathe in and breathe out.

If, nevertheless, you do lose control, gently but confidently come back to your breathing the moment you realize this has happened. Avoid being irritated with yourself or convincing yourself you'll never pick up how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply demonstrating to you just how much you should apply your meditation techniques. It is supporting you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thinking. The right response is gratitude, appreciation towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has prompted you to return to your point of focus.

I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you curse yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be provoking the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be training your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it each time for reminding you, and certainly it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find attention becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering persuasively to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well encouraged to find something much better to do with your time.

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